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September 20th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Curse of the Jade Scorpion, The Reviewed By Erik Childress Posted 08/24/01 09:31:44

"The WORST Woody Allen Film EVER!!! And I’m a Fan!" (Total Crap)

Woody Allen�s films bring out the most fervent divide of love and hate amongst moviegoers. The love usually comes from the critics while the hate comes from those who find the Woodster so irritating (either for his personality or private life) that there was never any love to begin with. These Wood detractors seem to see his movies on a different plain than his fans, unable to appreciate the witty one-liners or clever observations about relationships and society, because they can�t see past the myopic persona. Throughout the years I have remained in the former category of appreciation for Mr. Allen, but after seeing his latest effort, The Curse of the Jade Scorpion, I believe I have finally seen one of his films through the eyes of the haters.Allen�s films fall neatly into two genres: Comedy and Drama. His early work strictly concentrated on the laugh quotient and many of them continue to rank as some of the finest comedies ever made. Later forays into drama didn�t fare quite as well, while a few exceptions (Crimes & Misdemeanors, Husbands & Wives) are highly regarded. Bad drama is certainly a painful experience but a bad comedy is like pulling teeth with an acid anesthetic. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion represents itself as a throwback to the screwball comedies. The setting is right. The situation is ripe. But not only did Allen forget to bring the screws and the balls, he left the comedy somewhere too, because it�s certainly not on the screen. The year is 1940. Woody plays insurance investigator CW Briggs. He�s a bit of a dinosaur at the firm, albeit a respected one, yet is able to turn the charms of young secretaries like Jill (the always miscast Elizabeth Berkeley). One woman who is smart enough (or just sane) to see through Briggs is Betty Ann Fitzgerald (Helen Hunt), an efficiency expert brought in to, apparently, move the files to another floor. Like all romantic foils of the screwball era, these two hate, (strike that), loathe each other. When a birthday celebration for a colleague takes Briggs, Betty Ann and her boss/lover Chris Magruder (Dan Aykroyd) to a nightclub, the two repudiators are chosen to participate in a magician�s hypnotism number. Voltan (David Ogden Stiers) explains the story of his talisman, known as the �Jade Scorpion� and with the magic words of "Constantinople" and "Madagascar", promptly puts them under the trance of being newlyweds madly in love with each other. Of course, with the appearance of love, also comes a curse. Voltan is then able to use his powers to turn Briggs into a master thief, robbing the jewels of wealthy clients whom he�s helped set up the security for. (How Voltan is aware of this last convenience may just be a happy coincidence.) Briggs slowly finds himself becoming the key suspect in the string of robberies, naturally unaware that he�s even done anything wrong. What plays out from here is the cinematic equivalent of TV�s �Seinfeld�. Not because its ingeniously plotted or brilliantly hilarious, but because �nothing happens.� Nothing. Nada. Zero. Robbery after robbery occurs and bicker after countless bicker goes on between Allen and Hunt. But none of the dialogue can register as witty or snappy and none of the situations stretch themselves into any manic comic possibilities. Why not let Briggs come to the realization that he is the burglar and watch him frantically try to cover his tracks? And if you can find chemistry between Woody and any of his half-aged female co-stars, then there�s a Nobel Prize with a gravespinning Marie Curie on top waiting for you. Charlize Theron (in her Veronica Lake splendor) is the only one that provides any spark whatsoever since she�s the only one who knows what to do with the material. Working with a smaller mainline cast than usual, Allen has cheated himself out of the meatier, supporting characters that usually end up winning Oscars. Last year�s Small Time Crooks got memorable moments out of minor roles played by Jon Lovitz and Michael Rapaport, not to mention how priceless Elaine May was. Jade Scorpion manages to neglect giving a single funny line to Aykroyd and Wallace Shawn, both irreplaceable staples of timing and improvisation in the world of comedy. Helen Hunt may as well have been playing her �new tough gal in the office� role from last year�s What Women Want. (Maybe if she reenacted her raccoon-eyed drunk from Pay It Forward, it would have been funnier.) Even Allen himself drifts from the one-liner gumshoe to a neurotic Alzheimer patient who has trouble delivering a punchline with a minor in stuttering. So many jokes fall flat that it leaves you wondering if they were supposed to be jokes at all. Allen and Hunt may quarrel and trade barbs back and forth like Tracy & Hepburn or Gable & Colbert, but all they get right is the actual quarreling. It sure looks like they�re fighting, but nothing they say is particularly funny (Hunt keeps finishing with more long-winded ways for Allen to accidentally kill himself) and nothing would lead you to believe that there�s an underlying sexual tension just waiting to spring forth like a Phoenix from a volcano. Allen obviously has an affection for the time period. Enough to put forth the effort in the art direction and the costumes, but all of that is just window dressing a lifeless mannequin. It may look nice, but who wants to just stare at it for 100 minutes? We know Allen can be funny, even wacky funny, but that was years ago. Not to say that elements of that wackiness can�t still exist in his films, but they take place in stories nowadays with a dab of social commentary thus diluting whatever Looney Tune screwball pleasure we experience in spurts.Since Scorpion barely qualifies as a comedy, we can only look at its miniscule directive of people masking their true feelings under a fa�ade of work and ego. (What does it then say about a character who�s convinced he�s knowingly tricked a woman into believing that she�s in love with him?) There�s no fa�ade when it comes to Woody�s love/hate camps, however. Maybe one of them has just been under the curse of the jade scorpion all these years. I doubt it, because the real curse may actually be sitting through this movie and I now feel your pain.
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September 19th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Cube Zero Reviewed By David Cornelius Posted 02/25/05 08:18:54

"Third chapters shouldn’t be this clever, should they?" (Average)

By the third movie, most horror series, especially the direct-to-video ones, have found themselves lost beyond rescue. Chances are you�ve seen enough terrible sequels in your lifetime that I don�t need to explain to you this argument. Which is what helps make �Cube Zero� such a pleasant surprise - not only has the �Cube� franchise managed to remain remarkably inventive and fresh throughout the trilogy, but it does so despite both a limited budget and, more importantly, a limited premise that seems to ward off any attempts at story expansion.This is especially true when you consider �Cube 2: Hypercube� and its use of metaphysics. With the �Cube� idea expanded this far, what could the producers possibly do to expand the series any more? The answer: a prequel.But first, a quick rundown for those unfamiliar with the �Cube� series. �Cube,� a film festival favorite that gained a solid cult following on video, is a sci-fi/horror number in which a group of strangers awaken in a mysterious cube-shaped room, which is connected to countless other cube-shaped rooms, some of which contain some rather nasty death traps. The idea is for the group to find their way out of the maze, while trying to figure out how they got in there in the first place. Nifty, Twilight Zone-ish stuff. �Hypercube,� a direct-to-video sequel, split fans of the original, as some liked but others hated the notion of a new Cube design that also featured issues of time and space as a means of repeating the original�s ideas without downright repeating them, if you follow me.The biggest success of both films is how they took a very sparse movie set and not only made the budget work to the producers� advantage (one set could be used for every room, as they all look alike), but, through crafty scripting, made the viewer forget about set limitations thanks to a plot that zipped along quite breathlessly.Now we come to �Cube Zero,� which places us shortly before the events of the first movie, although that�s more to avoid any more of the time-space stuff of part two than it is to keep any continuity going. (The films work separately from each other, for the most part, so while it�s best to see the first two before visiting the third, you don�t need to.)The plot is familiar: a group of strangers wake up in the Cube, etc., etc. Only this time, we get to see the behind the scenes goings-on at Cube headquarters, or whatever the hell you call it. Wynn (Zachary Bennett) and Dodd (David Huband) are the two guys stuck in a dark, forgotten room where they monitor the Cube and all who are in it. Dodd�s a by-the-book type, afraid of the consequences that come with speaking out against the highers-up; Wynn, a math and science genius, is a bit more willing to question his orders. And that sort of thinking allows him to show an interest in one of the Cube captives (Stephanie Moore), who turns out not to be the criminal he thought she was, but just a political activist who tried one time too many to stick it to the man.The �Cube� series has always been quite smary in its leaving so much unsaid; despite the bits and pieces sprinkled throughout the first two films, we never really got to learn why the Cube was made, or by whom. And so all these revelations in �Cube Zero� sound at first to be too many unwanted answers - until it becomes clear that even learning what we do here, there�s still a whole world of questions left unanswered. The society responsible for the fear that grips the characters is only revealed in pieces so minute that we still walk away with only a vague notion, the gaps we�re free to fill in on our own. This is a movie that explains without actually explaining, and the notion of not knowing only makes things all the more intriguing. (There are some delicious almost-reveals, by the way: the newspaper offered by the government is �The Conformist;� we�re told that the Cube exists to �keep the world safe for democracy;� religion plays a major role in this totalitarian regime; people disappear from this society with such frequency that the control room of the Cube headquarters is filled wall floor-to-ceiling with files on the Cube victims. Now go and fill in the gaps on your own, the series seems to be telling us.)Writer/director Ernie Barbarash does a fine job bouncing us back and forth between the tensions of Wynn�s monitor station and the living hell of inside the Cube. And talk about a knack for pacing - just when things start to settle in, he brings in a creepy outsider (Michael Riley) to shake things up. Riley�s character is so different than anything we�ve gotten before, and yet he fits in perfectly, becoming a great baddie and a fine addition to the trilogy.�Cube Zero� keeps the franchise on track as a genuine treat for fans of intelligent science fiction, the kind that actually enjoys challenging its audience. And to keep things from being dull, the prequel stays true to the series by giving gore hounds what they want, too; the series� premise allows for many a creative death scene. (The first one�s a real squeemer. Don�t try eating before or during the film. I speak from unfortunate experience.) At this pace, the producers of this franchise could keep going as long as they wished. Which, in this age of always-dying movie series, is a rare, noteworthy treat.
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September 18th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Sony has come out with an unrated, “extended cut” of the well-respected 1997 mob flick, Donnie Brasco, starring Al Pacino and Johnny Depp. Who exactly extended this new 147 minute version (the older version runs 127 minutes) nobody is saying. It’s not on the box, and there’s no mention of it on any of the old extras that are included. All of the extra features are carried over from the 2000 disc release � with the glaring exception of director Mike Newell’s commentary track, which has mysteriously disappeared on this Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut. Quite honestly, I can’t imagine why you would need this “extended cut” of Donnie Brasco. With these new scenes inserted, I saw no discernable improvement in the overall impact of the film, nor do I see any point in buying a new disc that doesn’t even bother to include the previous director’s commentary.

Based on a true story, undercover F.B.I. agent Joseph D. Pistone infiltrated the Mafia in the early 1970s, posing as jeweler Donnie Brasco. Befriending Lefty Ruggiero (Al Pacino), Donnie quickly became a trusted member of a Mafia family, and gathered thousands of hours of surveillance tapes of their illegal activities. But Donnie’s initially short assignment turned into a nightmarish years-long commitment that left his marriage and family in a shambles from which they barely recovered.

There’s much to enjoy in Donnie Brasco, particularly the lead performances by Pacino and Depp. I was never a big fan of Depp prior to Donnie Brasco, but I thought his turn here showed a depth of performance, and a facility with a difficult role, that was admirable. Showing Pistone as a family man and law officer gradually drawn into a violent, amoral crime family � and developing feelings of loyalty to those members � is a complex tight-rope to walk, and Depp does a fine job. Pacino nicely rounds out his celebrated involvement with the cinematic mob, creating a burnt-out, small-time hood in Lefty Ruggiero that’s diametrically opposed to his smooth, sleek, accomplished Don Corleone in The Godfather Parts I and II. Not afraid to look foolish and seedy in gaudy checked coats and porkpie hats, Pacino loses himself in the pathetic, but still dangerous Lefty, who sees Donnie as a surrogate son, and who agonizes over the relatively shabby life he’s managed to accumulate after years of small-time illegal activity.

The problem I had watching Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut is the same problem I had with the film when I first saw it in theaters ten years ago. Director Mike Newell is particularly adept at creating a believable atmosphere in which Depp and Pacino navigate the various rituals and procedures of a Mafia family. Donnie Brasco is fascinating because it shows us the mechanics of how one actually lives and works within a mob hierarchy. Procedure is everything in Donnie Brasco, and from a standpoint of showing the audience the nuts and bolts of what it must be like to live within the Mafia, it’s a fairly strong film.

What still doesn’t work in Donnie Brasco is the director’s utter failure to establish Pistone’s reasoning for actually doing this kind of work. Starting the film off with Donnie already undercover, we never see him perform as an officer of the law. We get no sense of whether or not he’s a dedicated policeman. What motivated him to become an agent? We never see that. So, if we start the film at the beginning of his operation, and we see the utter destruction that operation wreaks on his marriage, we’re left to ask again � why does he do it? Director Newell and screenwriter Paul Attanasio do excellent work on making Depp and Pacino’s growing relationship believable, but in what context? Why, exactly, is Pistone working undercover, almost losing his life on several occasions, aiding hitmen to dismember bodies, and almost losing his wife and family in the process, when the film wants to sucker punch us in the end by saying the government fobbed off Pistone with a small check and gold badge? The film’s final message — that the government used Pistone and wasn’t “loyal” to him like Lefty was — is fairly muted, if we never saw Pistone passionately involved in defending justice in the first place. And the relationship between Donnie and Lefty means little, if we never get a context as to why Pistone feels the need to work undercover. The extended scenes added to Donnie Brasco do nothing to clarify those big script problems.

Watching Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut at first, I only noticed one scene that was added: a dinner conversation between the gang after a brutal beating and killing of a rival. Going back and running my old DVD copy against this new one, I saw the new additions � mostly domestic stuff that further shows Donnie’s gradual estrangement from his wife, plus the IRS auditing his family, Donnie walking Lefty’s lion � but they added almost nothing to the depth of the film. Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut is a marketing ploy to get new people to buy this DVD, and to entice buyers who already own the previous DVD releases, to shell out more dough thinking they’re going to get something extra. I’ve always been suspicious of “extended” cuts for films, anyway. Unless the director conducts them (and even then, I don’t particularly like the process), they’re usually an artistically suspicious practice that always strikes me akin to a painter going back to a museum, and occasionally “touching up” a painting. Leave the film alone; it is what it is. Adding further insult to potential buyers, this new Sony Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut DVD doesn’t even bother to include the director’s commentary from the previous DVD release. With less bonuses than the previous DVD releases, along with some 20 minutes of extra footage that in no way significantly alters or expands on the impact of the film, the Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut is pretty pointless.

The DVD:

The Video:
The anamorphically enhanced, 2.35:1 widescreen image for Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut is vivid and sharp, with the many night scenes holding their blacks well. I saw no transfer issues.

The Audio:
The Dolby Digital English 5.1 soundtrack is crystal clear, but since Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut is mostly about dialogue, don’t expect a lot of play in the speakers. English and French subtitles are available, and a close-captioning option is available.

The Extras:
The extras for Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut are the same ones featured on earlier releases — without the director’s commentary, which is missing here. The Donnie Brasco: Out From the Shadows featurette looks at the background of the production and Pistone’s career. There’s an original featurette from 1997, promoting the film. A photo gallery, and some original theatrical trailers are included.

Final Thoughts:

There’s no need to purchase the Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut DVD, particularly if you already have the older DVD releases. The director’s commentary is missing from this reissue, and the “extended cut,” which isn’t credited to the director, adds nothing new to the impact of the film. If you already own the film on DVD, there’s no need to rush out and buy this one. And if you’re curious to see it, try and rent an older copy. Skip the Donnie Brasco: Extended Cut.

Paul Mavis is an internationally published film and television historian, and the author of The Espionage Filmography

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September 17th, 2008 by moviereviews

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September 16th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Sweet and Lowdown (1999) / Comedy-Drama

MPAA Rated: PG-13 for sexual content and some substance abuse Running Time: 95 min. Cast: Sean Penn, Samantha Morton, Uma Thurman, brian Markinson, Anthony LaPaglia, James Urbaniak, Gretchen Mol, John Waters, Brad Garrett, Woody Allen, Ben Duncan, Kaili Vernoff Director: Woody Allen Screenplay: Woody Allen

Another light, slight delight from filmmaker Woody Allen (Everyone Says I Love You, Mighty Aphrodite), who pens this fictional story about jazz guitarist Emmet Ray (Penn, U-Turn), a genius of an artist, second only to Django Reinhardt in his prowess on the guitar. As painted by Allen, Ray was an alcoholic, womanizer, kleptomaniac, and all-out jack-ass, but he was good at what he did, and he had some wild stories that merit telling. Constructed as a mixed documentary and biopic, Allen brings this film together, splicing interviews with real people along with dramatized flashbacks of Ray in the 1930s, and his exploits from talented unknown to budding star.

Through the course of the movie, Ray brags about how he is a genius, and lets everyone know of his prodigious talents, which would make him unlikable if he weren’t such a pathetic person. In denial about many things, Emmet had a hard time ever achieving stability in his life, choosing to leave the things that were good for him and wallowing in those activities that were bad. Allen mostly concentrates on two aspects: Ray’s career as a musician and his loves with women, including a mute named Hattie (Morton, Minority Report) and a sophisticated thrill-seeking writer named Blanche (Thurman, The Avengers).

Sweet and Lowdown succeeds due to Allen’s knack for funny characterizations, combined with his love for the 1930s jazz era. One can readily tell that Allen is in a zone of comfort with the personalities, lavishly recreating the sounds and times of swing music in rich detail. It certainly also helps that he has one of Hollywood’s finest actors in Sean Penn to play the mercurial Ray, a troubled man who gets into many comical situations for reasons that not even he knows.

Sweet and Lowdown isn’t the best of Allen’s works, but taken as a light dessert film, it goes down easy, with lively performances (both Penn and Morton would receive Oscar nominations) and music that is as pleasant to listen to as the film is to watch.
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September 15th, 2008 by moviereviews

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From Dusk Till Dawn Reviewed By Chef ADogg Posted 08/11/99 05:29:53
"Satisfyingly badass entertainment" (Average)
"From Dusk Till Dawn" is how it should be done–big budget, some relatively large stars, and an absolutely brilliant script. If all "blockbusters" were constructed like this, I might not have to put apostrophes around the word blockbusters anymore.First of all, this is the kind of movie George Clooney should keep on making. None of this "One Fine Day" shit. He can be sparkly and romantic and charming, yeah, but he’s the most fun to watch when in a film like this: he forgets what a "star" he’s supposed to be and digs whole heartedly into this bad motherfucker of a role. He’s matched by a game but unsatisfying Quentin Tarantino. Turn Mr. Brown into a rapist slash murderer, add even more funnyass hand gestures, and you’ve got Tarantino’s character right here. I kept waiting for him to break into a long speech, but it never happened and I guess it’s a good thing. I still think it would’ve been funny, though. Clooney and Tarantino hijack an RV owned by a newly faithless preacher (the inimitable Harvey Keitel), and proceed to take his family to a skanky strip bar in Mexico (how grimy is it? It’s called the Titty Twister). Keitel and his two teenaged kids need only to make it through the night and Clooney will let them go–easier said than done, though, when it becomes apparent that this particular strip bar is inhabited by a group of badass vampires. The set up is cheesy, and so is the execution, but it’s all pulled together by Tarantino’s script and Robert Rodriguez’s direction. Once upon a time I was scared to admit it, but I have no trouble saying it now: I like Robert Rodriguez. I liked "El Mariachi," I liked "Desperado," I liked "The Faculty," and I like this movie. All you high minded critics can kiss my ass–I honestly don’t give a shit about his mind boggling editing techniques cause his movies look fuckin’ cool. "From Dusk Till Dawn" really never amounts to anything other than an over the top "coolfest," but that’s okay because it’s really, really fun to watch. The movie has balls, attitude, and direction, as Nicolas Cage might say, and I loved every goddam second of it.It’s not scary, it’s not all that smart, and it looks pretty damn dank, but that’s just fine by me. As far as brainless entertainment goes, this delivers everything that a movie about vampiric strippers could promise.
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September 14th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Another 48 Hrs. (1990)

June 8, 1990

Review/Film;

For Murphy And Nolte, A Sequel

By VINCENT CANBY

Published: June 8, 1990

LEAD: The difference between ‘’48 Hours,'’ made in 1982, and the new ‘’Another 48 Hours,'’ a sequel, is the difference between Eddie Murphy the young television actor making a terrifically engaging movie debut, and Eddie Murphy the 1990 supernova, the star of seven films that have earned more than one billion dollars at box offices around the world.

The difference between ‘’48 Hours,'’ made in 1982, and the new ‘’Another 48 Hours,'’ a sequel, is the difference between Eddie Murphy the young television actor making a terrifically engaging movie debut, and Eddie Murphy the 1990 supernova, the star of seven films that have earned more than one billion dollars at box offices around the world. Money talks. It also preens. It takes its time. It does no more work than it has to.

The new movie, produced in association with Eddie Murphy Productions, is as much a star vehicle for Mr. Murphy as ‘’The Gorgeous Hussy'’ once was for Joan Crawford. The Crawford name isn’t idly invoked. You have to go back to the old M-G-M days to find movies that, with every gesture, let the audience know it was watching a star.

With the exception of a couple of short funny scenes, Mr. Murphy doesn’t really act in ‘’Another 48 Hours.'’ He seems to lend his presence to it. In gratitude, the movie takes great care of him. His hair is newly cut. Pin-spots light his eyes. His skin has an elegant matte finish - it’s never shiny. His clothes always hang with just the proper amount of insouciance.

Though a little heavier than he once was, Mr. Murphy looks like a walking 8-by-10 glossy, the kind of retouched, idealized photo once mailed out to fans by the M-G-M publicity department.

All of this throws off the balance of talents that worked so well in the first film. The fun is gone.

‘’Another 48 Hours,'’ directed by Walter Hill, who also directed the original, again teams Mr. Murphy with Nick Nolte, though their billing has been reversed. The characters, however, remain more or less the same. Mr. Murphy is Reggie Hammond, a hip, perfectly tailored young con artist, and Mr. Nolte is Jack Cates, the big, tough, slobbish but exuberant San Francisco cop, who plays straight man to his younger pal.

One of the reasons the first film worked so well is that it gave the (possibly bogus) impression that nothing much was riding on it. Nobody was trying too hard. The method was easy. Everybody in it seemed to be having a ball. The plotting wasn’t terribly clever, but it was enough to provide pegs for some wonderfully inventive comedy sequences, including the one in which some small-time hoods hold up the neighborhood bar frequented by off-duty policemen.

Mr. Nolte and Mr. Murphy worked well together in that movie. They seemed to channel energy to each other. This time Mr. Nolte often appears to be playing alone. Being the pro he is, he never short-changes himself.

Mr. Murphy has two comic moments, which aren’t enough for a feature-length film. Among other things, he has developed some of the same maddening mannerisms that marked Frank Sinatra’s performances in his Rat Pack movies. He speaks dialogue as if he hadn’t had time to figure out what it meant. When in doubt as to what to do, he adopts an expression of ineffable cool: that is, of heavy-lidded, sexually alert boredom.

It’s a lazy, unresponsive performance.

The screenplay doesn’t demand much more, nor has Mr. Hill, who is a stylist above all, given it a great deal of style. The movie just drifts (though rapidly) from one lethal confrontation to another (though without suspense).

The action sequences - lots of glass is shattered as people are thrown through windows - look expensive and perfunctory.

The movie takes what amounts to an elitist view of life. Though the body count is high, all of the people killed are faceless or only minor characters, until the end. It’s as if the movie were saying that lethal violence is acceptable (and fun) as long as the victims - like the victims of guided missiles and high-altitude bombing - remain anonymous.

Any comedy that allows the mind to ponder high-altitude bombing is in deep trouble.

ANOTHER 48 HOURS

Directed by Walter Hill; screenplay by John Fasano, Jeb Stuart and Larry Gross, story by Fred Braughton; director of photography, Matthew F. Leonetti; edited by Freeman Davies, Carmel Davies and Donn Aron; music by James Horner; production designer, Joseph C. Nemec 3d; produced by Lawrence Gordon and Robert D. Wachs; released by Paramount Pictures. Running time: 98 minutes. This film is rated R.

Reggie Hammond…Eddie Murphy

Jack Cates…Nick Nolte

Ben Kehoe…Brion James

Blake Wilson…Kevin Tighe

Frank Cruise…Ed O’Ross

Willy Hickok…David Anthony Marshall

Cherry Ganz…Andrew Divoff

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September 13th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Lord of War is a tough film to classify. It has moments of dark comedy, political satire and absurdism, family drama, and fetish film all rolled into one. It’s good, don’t get me wrong. It’s really good, actually. It’s just a difficult balancing act, that works most times, but tends to wobble at others. Luckily the good far outweighs the bad, as it’s anchored by a strong Nicolas Cage performance. Lord of War tells the story of Yuri Orlov, a Ukrainian immigrant who went on to become one of the most lucrative arms dealers in the world. The film chronicles his rise to power through the years, as he begins selling abandoned American munitions up to his primary funding of the Liberian dictator, provided mostly by weapons left behind after the fall of the Soviet union.

It also follows Yuri’s personal relationships with his brother Vitaly (Jared Leto) who is in the beginning his partner, and with his dream girl Ava (Bridget Moynahan). Oh, and he’s pursued by Jack Velentine (Ethan Hawke) and Interpol agent From the first shots, this movie had me hooked. A great tracking shot over tons of bullet casings leading up to Yuri, who turns and addresses the camera about gun statistics. Apparently there’s a gun for every one in twelve people, and Yuri’s concerned with arming the other 11. Then the opening credits roll, and we follow a bullet as it’s made in a factory, and we follow it on it’s journey through it’s “life.”

Outstanding. Really sets the tone of the film up, as you’re amazed by the audacity of the situation, and shocked by the inevitable conclusion. And this is just the opening credits. The film follows in the tradition of Blow, or even Casino to a degree, where it follows your main character through the ages, from the beginnings, which are usually happier, profitable times of excess and joy, to the downward spiral that dealing with drugs (or crime, or guns, etc) eventually brings all these stories to. What separates this film from Blow (I pick on Blow, because Lord of War REALLY reminded me of it) is that it doesn’t feel like a Scorsese rip-off. It has a style and pace all it’s own. It feels like these type of movies, but it’s done in Andrew Niccol’s voice.

Andrew Niccol wrote, produced and directed this and he does a really good job. Niccol has directed Gattaca and SimOne, and wrote The Truman Show. none of these films would have lead me to believe he was the same guy who made Lord of War. I like Gattaca as much as the next guy, but this story seems out of left field for the man. I mean these to be complimentary. The man knows how to make a solid film, and compelling characters. The acting, like I mentioned before, is very solid. Nic Cage is awesome. Not his best performance (that would be Adaptation) but up there. Very understated, which is not what I always think of with Nic Cage. usually it’s either manic and full of tics, or unbelievably bored.

With Yuri, he creates a salesman unlike any other. Removing himself from the moral conflict of selling guns (and the bullets that do the actually killing), Yuri might as well be selling a Buick. He’s slick, but very likable. Hell, it took me about half the movie to realize that there might even BE a moral conflict. Maybe that says more about me than I realize, but still. Cage does well. Jared Leto does a good job as well, but he kind of disappears towards the middle and shows up again at the end of the movie. Not as powerful as his work in Requiem for a Dream, but that’s in a whole other ballpark.

And Ethan Hawke is good as the agent who’s determined to bring down Cage. Again, though, he’s not really in it that much. Ian Holm as a rival arms dealer is slimy, and makes you forget he was Bilbo. Oh, and the Liberian President and his son stand out as good performances of that haunting moral ambiguity. Again, it’s pretty much Cage’s show, and he does it well. The only actor I didn’t care too much for was Bridget Moynahan. It wasn’t that she did a bad job, or had little to do. I just felt that I’d rather be watching Yuri’s story the whole time, and I felt her scenes slowed things down a lot. (Much like in Blow….I’ll stop now).

The scenes aren’t bad at all, but they’re missing the energy of the scenes where Yuri is doing what he does best. There’s no doubt that Yuri would be in love with Ava (the scenes of his courtship of her are really well done, and quite funny) but I want to be watching the stuff about the guns. And that’s where I mention the fetish film bit. There’s a lot of loving, caressing camera glides over weaponry. Lots of guns shown as if they were models. hell, there’s some nudity in the film, but it’s nowhere near as enticing as the shot of the AK-47.

Yuri definitely loves guns almost as much (if not more) than women, save for Ava. There are some truly great scenes in the film that stand alone as fantastic. I can’t even begin to list them. But I’ll say the plane landing in Sierra Leone sequence stood out as one of my favorites. Great filmmaking. The movie seems to not want to take sides, though.

There is the debate over arms trading, is it right, is it wrong, etc. But this movie seems more concerned with telling Yuri’s tale. (By the way, the picking sides debate is a key debate within the film, and is key to Ian Holm). The ending is a bit ambiguous, but it leaves you facing the choice on your own. It’s a movie that actually makes you think a little bit, which is rare, but that could just be the end of summer catching up with me. So check out the Lord of War. It’s got a great lead performance, and some inventive filmmaking. The more I think about it, the more I like it. So I’ll shut up and let you decide for yourself.

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September 11th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Collateral Damage – **1/2 (out of 5) (2002)

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cliff Curtis, Francesca Neri, Elias Koteas, John Leguizamo

Directed By Andrew Davis

It looks like things have finally come full circle in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career. In the beginning he made derivative and ultra-violent action vehicles like RAW DEAL and COMMANDO, which were terrible films that had nothing going for them except they starred Arnie and his charisma. COLLATERAL DAMAGE is a return to his bygone days when the meaty scripts were still out of reach and he had to build up a reputation, and it’s sad to think how the once mighty one-man franchise could have fallen so low after a decade of unparalleled greatness for an action star.

Arnold plays Gordon Brewer, a firefighter who loses his wife and only son in a terrorist bombing. The bombing is attributed to a Colombian named Claudio "The Wolf" Perrini, who Brewer had seen moments before the bombing, and who escaped back to Colombia. Frustrated by the CIA’s ambivalence towards Brewer’s wish for swift justice, he sets out himself to Colombia to take down The Wolf himself.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE is a stale routine actioner that probably won’t thrill anyone but the most die-hard and undiscriminating of action fans. Schwarzenegger plays the usual one-man army that he has spent an entire career playing, while the basic plot of a man seeking revenge for his family is a typical staple of the genre. Arnie isn’t the only one who fails to tread new territory, as director Andrew Davis has made vehicles similar to this in THE FUGITIVE, ABOVE THE LAW and CODE OF SILENCE. With nothing really of interest going on, it’s a mostly dull affair, with only a few moments of life when John Leguizamo comes in and does some humorous schtick. Far from the worst vehicle Schwarzenegger has ever done, but certainly not the type of film you’d expect him to make if he plans to ever get his career back on track.

Back to Qwipster’s Movie Reviews

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Children of the Corn internet movie
September 10th, 2008 by moviereviews

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Kids are scary. Steven King knows that. His SHORT story about some kiddos who find religion and decide adults need to die just proves how twisted Mr. Sunshine can be. But who knew Children of the Corn (1984, 92 minutes) would sprout into one of the more prolific horror franchises around? Almost 10 years later there’s Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1993) with a whole new batch of murderous young’uns and a poor old biddy in a wheelchair who gets launched through a plate-glass window. Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1994) takes the show on the road to Chicago when a couple of country killers are adopted and shipped to the Windy City where they raise corn and hell. In Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996) the violence once again turns toward the medical community with a doctor who gets cut in half and a gal who gets crucified with hypodermic needles. It’s widely appreciated as the best of the iffy series. Next, nosey college students wander into town asking too many questions in Children Of The Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998). And finally, for the moment, John Franklin reprised his role from the first film in Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return (1999, also available on DVD). But word is that Mulder and Scully-types will track a serial killer to Cornville in the yet to materialize Children of the Corn 7: Resurrection.

The movie: One day after church the children of Gatlin, Nebraska decide they’re not going to EAT their vegetables anymore, they’re going to worship them. And for some reason that means everyone older than 18 must be sacrificed to He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Cornrows, to be precise. Three years later, a doctor named Burt (Peter Horton) and his girlfriend Vicky (Linda Hamilton) are flying along the Nebraska back roads when — WHAMO! — they pancake a kid who staggers onto the road clutching his slit throat. Burt stuffs the flattened pedestrian into the trunk and heads to nearby Gatlin for help. But the town’s deserted except for the dried-up cornstalks the children insist on having strewn around. Things continue getting stranger, and rather than high-tailing it out of there, the dim-witted couple keep snooping around until a gang of knife-wielding youths finally decides to welcome them to Gatlin — permanently. They’re greeted by the group’s leader Isaac (Franklin) a screeching boy-pastor and his blood-thirsty enforcer Malachai (Courtney Gains). But Horton and Hamilton are so horrible in the film that it’s EASY to root for the homicidal religious zealots. CineSchlockers who’d like to see the diversity of Gain’s talent should check out Hardbodies which he made the same year. Gains was the flap-hatted goofus ogling a jiggling bevy of bikini babes.

Notables: No breasts. 10 corpses. Creepy Crayola drawings. Meat-slicer defingering. One dead dog. Possessed corn. Multiple explosions. Excessive wind machine footage. One rat. Multiple shots of light glinting off blades. Tremors-like dirt demon.

Quotables: Are we SURE this Burt guy went to medical school? He isn’t that observant, “There’s something very strange about this town … It’s a little weird here, but it’s safe.”

Time codes: Ms. Hamilton sings (8:25). Isaac delivers a chilling sermon (37:00). A major shift in the cult’s balance of power (1:07:50). Perhaps the WORST special effects in a mainstream Hollywood picture (1:14:50). Cornstalks animate and try to strangle our inept hero (1:21:45).

Audio/Video: Hazy, poorly defined widescreen (1.66:1) print. Night scenes get chunky, but even during bright sunlight an overall fog persists. Few if any artifacts. The nicely mixed Dolby Digital 5.1 track is a welcome surprise.

Extras: A 16-page “collector’s booklet” with nine blurry stills and an essay. Animated menus with audio. Insert card features original movie poster. Theatrical trailer.

Final thought: King’s premise is great, but somehow THIS can’t be the best interpretation of it. Still, it has legs. There’s no denying that. Recommended.

Check out CineSchlock-O-Rama

for additional reviews and bonus features.

G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.
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Another 48 Hrs. (1990)

Review/Film; For Murphy And Nolte, A Sequel

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